I feel that technology today has far too significant of an impact on our personal relationships. Facebook, in particular, has started to become too important of a factor in relationships. “It’s not official until it’s Facebook Official (FBO)” has become a commonly heard phrase.
It’s truly sad to me to see how Facebook can affect relationships. I’ve decided to analyze this topic chronologically, from the start to the end of a relationship.
So you start a new relationship, and one of the biggest worries is over who should change their status first. Do you make the change first and wait for them to follow suit? Or do you play it cool and wait until the other person changes their status? (I know these questions may seem ridiculous, but bear with me.) Once it’s changed, you watch as the likes and comments start pouring in. Because, of course, we’re all seeking approval, and when all of your friends are approving of your relationship, the serotonin starts flowing in your brain. (As twisted as it seems, it’s generally accepted that people thrive off of getting likes on Facebook.) Now, you’re a few weeks in and the relationship is going fine; you add tons of pictures with your significant other and write lovey-dovey messages all over their wall. This can appear “cute” to your friends, or it may make them want to gag. The amount and type of publicity of the relationship obviously varies depending on the people, but it can get to be quite a bit. I could probably write a short novel about Facebook relationship etiquette and my opinions of how public a couple should be on Facebook, but that’s for another day. So anyways, a few months pass by and you start to fight. Now this doesn’t always appear on Facebook, but the more dramatic members of our society may choose to go after that much-desired attention and change their status to “it’s complicated”. At this point, there is an outpouring of support from friends: “I’m here for you <3” and “Oh no, I told you they were trouble :(”, and all of a sudden, there are all these other people chiming in on your relationship. These comments alone can lead to other problems in the relationship. Let’s say that the problems get to be too much and the relationship is called off. Now comes another problem: who declares their solitude first? If you’ve just had your heart broken, you’re not likely to rush to your computer and announce to the world you just got dumped. Which means, that when the time comes and your ex changes their status, you have to stare at that painful, little, red “single” heart on your page. Now it’s decision time again, do you leave the heart and risk having to explain the situation to caring friends, and view all of their comments, or delete it and act like nothing happened? And if you’re the one who broke it off? It’s likely that you’re eager to change your status and see who likes your recent availability, or you could want to delete the heart to save your ex’s feelings. After the statuses have been changed, here come the after-effects. Who “liked” when your ex became single? What did people say about the breakup? Did your ex comment about what happened to the relationship?
While all of these questions may seem quite superficial or shallow, I know that (especially with teenagers) they’re ridiculously common. To many, especially those who haven’t been in a situation similar to this, you may be thinking, oh my gosh, teenagers are crazy, (there is some truth to this, of course) but in all reality, these are the things that go through our minds nowadays. The sad part is that the online aspects of the relationship play such a large role. When you start dating, you shouldn’t be worried about who’s going to make it FBO first, you should be enjoying each other and reveling in the happiness of a new relationship. When you have a fight, you shouldn’t be worried about putting it online, you should be trying to work through it with your significant other. When you go through a breakup, you shouldn’t have to worry about changing your status and watching the world react, you should be grieving with sad movies and a bucket of ice cream.
While I’m not saying Facebook shouldn’t have a “relationship status”, or that people don’t have the right to share this information or be a little bit dramatic about it, I just think we’re influenced too much by it. It saddens me that Facebook can at times be the judge of whether or not your relationship is “official” and that the effects of a breakup can be magnified online. Facebook is too big of a primary concern, when it should just be an afterthought.