I feel that technology today has far too significant of an impact on our personal relationships. Facebook, in particular, has started to become too important of a factor in relationships. “It’s not official until it’s Facebook Official (FBO)” has become a commonly heard phrase.
It’s truly sad to me to see how Facebook can affect relationships. I’ve decided to analyze this topic chronologically, from the start to the end of a relationship.
So you start a new relationship, and one of the biggest worries is over who should change their status first. Do you make the change first and wait for them to follow suit? Or do you play it cool and wait until the other person changes their status? (I know these questions may seem ridiculous, but bear with me.) Once it’s changed, you watch as the likes and comments start pouring in. Because, of course, we’re all seeking approval, and when all of your friends are approving of your relationship, the serotonin starts flowing in your brain. (As twisted as it seems, it’s generally accepted that people thrive off of getting likes on Facebook.) Now, you’re a few weeks in and the relationship is going fine; you add tons of pictures with your significant other and write lovey-dovey messages all over their wall. This can appear “cute” to your friends, or it may make them want to gag. The amount and type of publicity of the relationship obviously varies depending on the people, but it can get to be quite a bit. I could probably write a short novel about Facebook relationship etiquette and my opinions of how public a couple should be on Facebook, but that’s for another day. So anyways, a few months pass by and you start to fight. Now this doesn’t always appear on Facebook, but the more dramatic members of our society may choose to go after that much-desired attention and change their status to “it’s complicated”. At this point, there is an outpouring of support from friends: “I’m here for you <3” and “Oh no, I told you they were trouble :(”, and all of a sudden, there are all these other people chiming in on your relationship. These comments alone can lead to other problems in the relationship. Let’s say that the problems get to be too much and the relationship is called off. Now comes another problem: who declares their solitude first? If you’ve just had your heart broken, you’re not likely to rush to your computer and announce to the world you just got dumped. Which means, that when the time comes and your ex changes their status, you have to stare at that painful, little, red “single” heart on your page. Now it’s decision time again, do you leave the heart and risk having to explain the situation to caring friends, and view all of their comments, or delete it and act like nothing happened? And if you’re the one who broke it off? It’s likely that you’re eager to change your status and see who likes your recent availability, or you could want to delete the heart to save your ex’s feelings. After the statuses have been changed, here come the after-effects. Who “liked” when your ex became single? What did people say about the breakup? Did your ex comment about what happened to the relationship?
While all of these questions may seem quite superficial or shallow, I know that (especially with teenagers) they’re ridiculously common. To many, especially those who haven’t been in a situation similar to this, you may be thinking, oh my gosh, teenagers are crazy, (there is some truth to this, of course) but in all reality, these are the things that go through our minds nowadays. The sad part is that the online aspects of the relationship play such a large role. When you start dating, you shouldn’t be worried about who’s going to make it FBO first, you should be enjoying each other and reveling in the happiness of a new relationship. When you have a fight, you shouldn’t be worried about putting it online, you should be trying to work through it with your significant other. When you go through a breakup, you shouldn’t have to worry about changing your status and watching the world react, you should be grieving with sad movies and a bucket of ice cream.
While I’m not saying Facebook shouldn’t have a “relationship status”, or that people don’t have the right to share this information or be a little bit dramatic about it, I just think we’re influenced too much by it. It saddens me that Facebook can at times be the judge of whether or not your relationship is “official” and that the effects of a breakup can be magnified online. Facebook is too big of a primary concern, when it should just be an afterthought.
This is totally relevant! Several of the pieces we’ve read in class have touched on how teens today “define” themselves via social media, and this is a prime example of that. I too think that Facebook gets a little too involved in our relationships. I will admit that I have been guilty of worrying over who will make the relationship “Facebook official” when I’ve started dating someone. It’s sad that we have to make it “known” to everyone when we’re in a relationship, and that it becomes such a huge deal once we post it online. It’s also very interesting to see how sometimes we really do base our opinions of ourselves/get happy or sad off of the “likes” our relationship (or singleness) recieves. Now that I’m thinking about all of this stuff and how I’ve done it it’s kind of depressing… I am a part of that teen statistic!
I definitely agree with nearly all of what you said in this post. Facebook has been in my life since 2008, which is a longer time period than any girl has been. Facebook may, in fact, be part of the reason for this lack of a good, lasting relationship. I definitely agree that people get too caught up in the approval of others when in a relationship (and while getting into one/out of one). Relationships should be based on the feelings between the two people involved in the relationship, rather than third party reactions to the relationship. In my opinion, relationships would be a lot more meaningful if neither of the involved parties used Facebook (or other social networks). Obviously, this is a ridiculous statement in this day in time, seeing as more and more people in our society are getting sucked into this black hole that is social networks. Perhaps a better suggestion for those individuals who are seeking a better relationship would be for them to refrain from posting their relationship status on their Facebook (or other social network) page. This would remove a large amount of the peer approval aspect involved with Facebook and other social networks.
This is all so true! I have coached so many friends through the stressor of changing the relationship status on facebook – I myself have even gone through it. There are so many implications that come along with changing a relationship status, and some of them can even be detrimental to the relationship itself. For the most part, the only good thing about having a relationship status feature is the ability to creep on other people’s relationships, only futher fueling the gossip mill. It’s sad that people have to seek approval of their relationship through social netwokring sites.
I’d like to think that most people entering a relationship don’t stress over whether they or the other person should change their status first. However, I definitely can agree, even with personal experience, the seeking of likes and comments on the status change. I like hearing what people think and knowing that they are happy with me and for me. I also, without a doubt, am on the side of lovey-dovey messages being annoying. I see this all the time with many of my friends. But really it’s nothing more than something we laugh about and give the other person flak for. Also, an interesting point how people in relationships are very public with the “good” aspects of their relationships, but then are nearly completely quiet when it comes to the “bad” parts, the struggles. And yes, you do often see some subtle status that hints at an issue in the relationship, and people jump on board with their support. Is this support just a way of making the “supporter” look like a better person? I can’t answer that, and, above all, I don’t want to be cynical about the matter. I cannot speak to people’s intentions behind public offering of support.
I really agree that Facebook does have too large an impact on relationships (especially with teens). I think what you wrote regarding how we need to not worry about “FBO” and taking the rough parts of our private relationships to the public sphere was dead on. We should, instead, enjoy the person. And, in times of struggle, we should focus on working it out with the other person, not seeking superficial, virtual advice! Sort of sad how real and relevant this topic is…
I completely agree! Facebook has definitely had too much influence in relationships. When my friends tell me that they are now in a relationship the conversation is at first happy but then we begin to discuss when they should change there facebook status. This adds stress to a time when there should be none. I always think it’s ridiculous how when a relationship ends on facebook the friends of those two people rush to like their friend’s single post. It becomes a competition which shouldn’t have to occur, especially when those two people may be heartbroken. However, it is possible that this is changing. I have several friends who choose to not put their relationship on facebook, and I think this is becoming more and more common. I used to think relationships were only official if they were facebook official, but now I don’t. In some cases it is better to leave your relationship off of facebook.
First of all, I’m going to have to admit that I’m one of those people that checks someone’s relationship status almost as soon as I add them on Facebook. Sometimes that is extremely relevant information. However, I agree that there is often too much thought and worry put into the changing of a relationship status. In my personal experience I will admit I have rushed home to be the first one to change my status to ‘single’ after a rather unpleasant breakup. Why should he be the first one to be declared ‘single’? That’s one point that my life as a shallow teenage really sticks out.
Not only do I find relationship statuses interesting to online relationships, but also profile pictures. If you are ‘in a relationship’ should your profile picture be of your significant other? The two of you together? I know when I see someone who is ‘in a relationship’ with a profile picture of them with someone else or just them, I wonder what is going on in their relationship. I noticed recently that one of my friends changed his profile picture from he and his girlfriend to one with just a group of friends. At first I though maybe he was just missing his friends. But a few days later there it was: ‘single.’ When relationship statuses change often so do profile pictures. This raises even more questions. Which should be changed first? Is changing both at the same time to abrupt? It seems that Facebook just creates more drama and worries for teenagers who are just trying to figure out how to have a normal relationship.
Although I do agree with much that was said about the hype around a relationship status on Facebook, I don’t think it actually has any influence on the relationship itself. So what if it gets so many “likes”? If a relationship is meant to be a good one, it will last. If not, it will end shortly. In real life (as in not on Facebook), people will have their opinions on the relationships of their peers. Whether they approve or not has no effect on the strength of the relationship. I have a friend who is in a relationship, and just about everyone I know disapproves of it. Yet, the couple has been dating for quite some time now, undeterred by the opinions of others. Personally, I can’t believe how easily people let this relationship status thing get to their head.