[a] page 37
[b] On this page, Gloria Anzaldúa writes almost the whole page in Spanish. This is as close of a translation as I could come up with, with my limited Spanish skills:
Those movements of rebelliousness that we Mexicans have in our blood rise like running rivers in my veins. And like my race [something here to do with falling and slavery, of obeying, being quiet, and accepting], in me the rebelliousness is on top of my flesh. The humble glace from me is a dear insolent list for exploding. My rebelliousness cost me dearly—[acalambrada] with the reveals and doubts [?], feeling me useless, stupid, and powerless.
Anger enters me when someone—whether my mother, the English language, the culture of the Anglos—tells me to do this, do that without considering my desires.
Be disgusted. Tell [something]. I am very [hocicona]. I was indiferent to what many valued of my culture. I did not give up myself from these people. I was not beautiful nor obedient.
But I have grown. Already I do not pass alone all my life bouncing the customs and values that betray me. I also pick up customs that have been tested by time and the customs I respect to women.
[c] As I have been reading Borderlands, I have come across much Spanish, of course, and I usually can pick up most of it from context and figure out, if not the exact meaning, the general meaning. I’ll admit, as much it would bother Lani, that I don’t look up every word that I don’t know, which is mostly an economical decision based on time. However, with this passage, there was no way I was going to get much of it without slowing down and looking up most words that I did not know. It was taxing in my time, but I came up with the rather crude translation above (and it was fun, because I love working with words so much). My understanding is that Anzaldúa feels rebelliousness rising in her, and at first she did not care who told her what, she rebelled and was angry. She did not want to adopt any of her culture. But now she takes on the cultural traits that have passed the test of time and that she fels are good ones that show respect to women.
It took me a while to translate this (probably as long for this page as it did to read the previous ten pages), but it was worth it. I have been slightly torn not translating Anzaldúa’s words, because I feel I am not fully respecting her as a writer (and as a person) by not respecting her words, and by valuing what I know (my language) more than hers.
I had some problems because Anzaldúa uses words (or perhaps conjugations and declinations of words) that are either not in the dictionary I was usuing or a variation that is not in the dictionary. That made it tough to find a few words (and I failed for at least three words).
[d] I ask myself if I should be translating what I do not know yet. I suppose I should, to treat this as more academic, hard work, and I should be pushing myself more.
[e] This gets at privilege, I think, because as an English speaker, I have the privilege in this country to not know things, yet a Spanish speaker does not have this privilege. Also, the oppressed in a society must know what the dominant paradigm knows (like English) in order to survive, but the dominant group doesn’t have to have a clue about the oppressed groups. I must learn to give up my privilege here and work harder while reading this.
Also, this section discusses a bit of internalized oppression, I think, because Anzaldúa wants nothing to do with her culture at first, rebelling against it like she rebelled against everything. I look forward to reading more in this chapter.
Anzaldúa, Gloria. Borderlands: La Frontera. 2nd ed. San Francisco: Aunt Lute, 1999.
